BTC targets sadomasochist community to find people happy with pain of paying high fees

Leaks from the Satoshi Roundtable conference (a totally transparent but exclusive invite-only Bitcoin meet-up) show decisions being made by BTC influencers to target community groups where parallels between BTC and their community’s ethos are already present. An almost a unanimous vote to target the sadomasochist community was carried out.

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CoinBlockDesk managed to get hold of the vote details, and we spoke with several attendees who asked to remain anonymous because they didn’t want Bruce Fenton to fork their RavenCoin holdings off his “decentralised” network.

Our first contact, who we’ll call TotallyNotWayneVaughan, told us the reasoning for the move. “Yeah we looked at the problem of high fees, and weighed up our options. Basically we’re faced with two choices. Increase the block size as per Satoshi’s original plan so fees remain low and BTC is usable, or we target people who like pain and will be happy to pay high fees. Well someone wearing a lion mask with a Canadian accent suggested instead of raising the block size we just target people who love self harm.”

TotallyNotWayneVaughan said he was a little confused at first. “I didn’t understand to be honest. I thought it would be far simpler just to double the block size. I mean, my freaking iPhone has 256GB of storage. I’m pretty sure anyone running a node could just grab an external drive off ebay if needed. But then I googled sadomasochist and apparently they’re people who love pain. Well, let me tell you, there’s nothing more painful than paying $13 transaction fees on a $30 Dreammarket purchase of um… tinctures. So maybe we can just tell them all about how much pain they can give themselves by trying to use BTC as money!”

Fellow attendee, who we’ll call Lameson Jopp, said the move was really insightful. “What I’d say to everyone questioning this is, just go and purchase a $300 Casa node so you can be a true Bitcoiner, eat more meat, and self flagellate every day by paying stupid-high transaction fees to open and close lightning channels. And if you want to spread the message of BTC, join your local dungeon sex cult and tell them they can have pain all day long, not just Friday nights, if they send BTC to each other at 300 sats/byte.”