Binance fighting “fraud” with currency they printed out of thin air


Today, the CEO of Binance whose name you can’t pronounce so just call him CZ, announced a noble effort to fund legal costs for anyone sued by Craig Wright. 

We spoke with CZ about his generous offer of $10,000 worth of BNB token to save twitter trolls from consenquenses of their actions. 

 “I really want those poor souls who organised a week long deliberate campaign of defamation and attacks and twitter pile-ons to have justice,” said CZ. “No one should suffer just because they launched a deliberate campaign attacking someone on the internet and called for their tens of thousands of followers to join in a relentless week long attack with a specific hashtag and everything. People need to be free to engage in that kind of behavour without any need to justify it and without consequence. It’s widely agreed that unaccountable anonymous mobs are great for democracy and a healthy society. I learned that at a Bitcoin Core dev meetup.”

”And because I’m the most generous man in the world I want everyone to send us money to fund the legal costs for these poor trolls. I’m even donating $10,000 worth of BNB token to help the fund. Sure, I just printed that money out of thin air and it didn’t cost me a single cent.”

CBD asked CZ on the legality of issuing his own currency.   

“Look, let’s not use horrible words like fraud or illegal. I’ve fled multiple countries with this business because people keep using nasty words like those. True, some might say that some of the trading on our exchange is suspicious, and maybe we took bribes to list some coins, and I probably shouldn’t mention we’re one of the biggest sellers of that fractional reserve coin Tether.” At this point CZ was talking very fast but paused to take a massive draw on a cigarette. 

”But hey, it’s important we don’t focus on Binance’s behaviour right now. It’s important we focus on Craig Wright and how he’s a fraud and people should have free speech and freedom to coordinate attack campaigns on social media with no consequence. That’s what crypto is all about. I’m also offering 50% trading discounts to anyone who hashtags #Binanceisthemosthonestexchangeintheworld this week.”

We asked CZ about the consequences of bringing more attention to the questionable currency Binance had created, and other practices widely frowned upon by the exchange, including the highly irrregular movements of Tether as documented in a viral video this week. 

“Errrrrr... you’re meant to not ask that question. We’re only here to talk about how generous I am and we can all point at Craig Wright and shout fraud and then no one needs to talk about Binance!”

CBD followed up by asking CZ what he thought about the 20 year sentence for money laundering handed to the founder of Liberty Reserve and whether any money laundering had taken place on Binance.

However CZ spat out his coffee so violently it ruined our microphone, and he then said he didn’t know about this detail and suddenly felt very sick and had to leave.