Adam Back questioned on his support of fraudulent exchange Bitfinex, starts screaming "CRAIG WRIGHT"

Blockstream CEO Adam Back had what appeared to be a break down of sorts when discussing his outspoken support of embattled exchange Bitfinex recently at the HODLtillyouDIEit’snotaPonzi conference in Amsterdam.

The host of the event began questioning Mr Back about his support for Tether, Bitfinex, and the company that owns them both, Ifinex, after it came to light that Tether had been lying to the public for some time, and potentially fraudulent loans between the businesses in an attempt to cover up over $800 M of missing funds occurred.

The trouble started when the host used the “f” word, pointing out that the wide consensus was that Bitfinex and Tether had run an elaborate “fraud”.

“Fraud!?” yelled Adam Back. “Craig Wright is a fraud! Craig is the fraud!”

“Sure,” said the host. “But Mr Wright has never done an ICO, issued a stable coin and lied about it being audited, had funds confiscated as part of a money laundering investigation, or carried out fractional reserve banking in an illegal manner. Craig Wright is just a guy on the internet claiming to be someone famous, and he hasn’t actually taken anyone’s money. Many would say that compared to Tether and Bitfinex, Craig’s hands seem pretty clean.”

“Craig is the fraud!” screamed Mr Back in response. It appeared that Mr Back was in tears. His second in command, Samson Mow, assisted a limp Adam Back from the stage while moans of “craig is the fraud” could still be heard until someone at the audio desk finally cued up Tina Turner’s “The Best”.

Samson Mow spoke with CoinBlockDesk later in the foyer about the unusual event.

“Yeah I realise Bitfinex and Tether are literally the complete opposite of everything we’ve ever said Bitcoin stands for. But honestly, this lightning shit isn’t working out as planned, the number of active channels on the lightning network is actually falling believe it or not, and since we already scared away all the businesses we can’t think of anything else BTC is good for except to play trading games on exchanges. Besides, Adam bought heavily in when it fell to $9500 USD thinking that was the bottom, and he’s been doing what he can to get BTC back up to there so he can break even. We don’t need tether to go on forever, just maybe 6 more months or so, and then a bunch of us can cash out and let Bitfinex go bankrupt.”

The “BTC faithful”, as Mr Mow phrased it, are asked to keep putting their weekly tithes into BTC, and screenshotting their purchases while tagging them on social media #stackingsats. Mr Mow assures us that BTC will definitely rise in value forever despite not being usable in a business setting, as long as everyone just HODLs and keeps buying no matter what.

Best way to help BTC is not to use it, say investors

With the BTC mempool being more or less clogged for the better part of a month, BTC investors are now discussing ways to best improve Bitcoin Core. And it’s been widely agreed that what would really assist BTC is if people stopped using it.

This post on reddit from gemeinsam pretty much summed up the consensus among investors, namely that BTC would be awesome if other people just stopped using it.

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We spoke with one such investor about the move to discourage use of the BTC network, twitter user @defnotabot69. “I’ve been saying this for years. People need to stop on-boarding their friends by demonstrating Bitcoin. That’s the worst thing you can do. And for the love of God don’t actually use it to buy something. There are only really two acceptable use cases for the BTC network. One is arbitrage trading between exchanges, and the other is withdrawing from an exchange to hodl. Anything else is spam and you’re an enemy of Bitcoin if you do that. If we catch you we will harass you relentlessly until you either commit suicide or disappear forever.”

But not everyone agreed with @defnotabot69. Bitcoin investor and Reddit communications expert u/imagunnahodltillidie69 said he was confused by the message. “I don’t understand this at all. If people don’t use BTC for their little shitty coffee purchases, we risk not clogging up the mempool. I thought the goal was to drive up fees to $1000 each to prove that we’re a global settlement layer. That’s what Pierre and Saifedean told me. So I think we should all be sending money back and forth to ourselves just to make sure that we overfill the mempool and then investors pay even higher fees and this will encourage mining and improve the security. It’s basic economics.”

We ran both of these arguments by an actual economist but his eyes rolled so far back in his head that he went temporarily blind and was unable to complete the interview.

Doctors issue warnings as Bitcoin investor hospitalised after hitting own head against wall listening to “What Bitcoin Did”

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A Bitcoin investor is in hospital today after listening to the latest interview by Peter McCormack on the What Bitcoin Did podcast. His doctor spoke with the media earlier today describing the situation. 

“It’s an all too common story to be honest,” said Dr Smith. “From what we could tell, the podcast host said “I’m not technical enough” for the twentieth time then proceeded to try and refute a really well explained point made by the guest. In such circumstances it’s very common for listeners to become so frustrated they involuntarily slam their heads against nearby hard surfaces, such as desks, walls, or computer monitors.”

The interview in question appears to have been with Peter Rizun, a notable “big block” advocate in the Bitcoin community, who was discussing SPV wallets, the pitfalls of the Lightning network, and the likelihood of everyone ending up with custodial wallets if the Lightning network was ever to be used. 

“I had a listen to the interview myself,” said Dr Smith, “and for the life of me I can’t figure out what a guy like this Peter bloke is doing pretending to be an authority on Bitcoin. He appears to have no technical understanding at all. At one point I swear I heard him say he hadn’t looked into Bitcoin SV at all, but I checked his twitter account and he appears to be informing his large audience that it’s definitely a scam. Imagine if someone with no biology or medical understanding ran a popular surgery podcast! It would be a laughing stock. My fear is we’re going to see more self inflicted head trauma from people who listen to podcasts like this. We think they really need to come with a warning of some sort.”

New Bitcoin Core update allows you to control your twitter troll army from inside app

The Bitcoin Core dev team have announced a new update to the Bitcoin Core software, version 0.18.666. In the release notes for the update, the Core team discuss a much requested feature that has finally arrived, namely the ability for node users to manage their hundreds of anonymous Twitter troll accounts from inside the Core software itself.

CBD spoke with Dragon’s Den organiser and Core developer BTCDrak about the exciting update.

“Yeah we’ve been discussing the feature for a long time. Ever since proof leaked of the Core team running an organised social media troll army, we figured there’s no point hiding it any more, and we should give all Bitcoin users the ability to participate in the social media anon troll account movement. We want the troll army to be as decentralised as possible, so now the Core software gives you the ability to automatically shitpost, participate in twitter pile-ons, auto-follow other BTC twitter trolls, and there’s even pre-poulated text that you can use for your twitter bot accounts to automatically post.”

Other devs weren’t completely thrilled with the feature. One dev who asked not to be named said he was very disappointed with the decision. “Jesus fucking christ what the actual fuck is wrong with those dragon’s den morons, since when is the real world even on twitter?! I told them they had to put Facebook and instagram bot integration into Core, not Twitter integration. These idiots don’t know the first thing about manipulating social media. I’m thinking we might need to fork off so we can have a version of Core that runs Facebook troll armies instead. This is an important issue for the future of Bitcoin so expect a hash-war soon.”

Have your say in the comments: Do you think Bitcoin Core should have had a Facebook troll army tool instead of the the Twitter troll army tool, or is Twitter the right decision?

BTC investor reaps massive ROI with 45 retweets

Part time security guard and BTC investor Jordan Jones (@JJBTC4eva69) says his investment in BTC was starting to pay off, with a recent tweet receiving 45 retweets and counting.

“Yeah I bought Bitcoin when it was about $20,000 on the advice of some prominent twitter accounts like Parabolic Trav, but the price tanked. Then I saw Adam Back say he was still buying when it hit $9000 so I bought more too just like I was encouraged to.”

“Well my fiancé left me, but finally my investment appears to be paying off... not money-wise of course, but with influence on twitter.”

Mr Jones shared with CBD the story of his amazing run up to achieving the high numbers that have left other investors extremely jealous.

“The other day I changed by avatar to the hodlonaut cat and I tweeted #weareallhodlonaut with a middle finger emoji and I got like 6 retweets and 14 likes. So that was super encouraging. I started to think maybe BTC was a good investment after all.”

“So I looked for some more opportunities to jump on this bandwagon and finally spotted my chance. I came across this YouTube video where Gavin Andresen explains how Craig Wright used cryptography or some shit to prove he had a genesis key or something, I have no idea what that is, and I decided to tweet the video along with the words What an idiot! #delistBSV”

“Well it worked a treat, I got sooo many retweets, and my phone has been pinging like crazy. It’s had like 45 retweets so far which is basically viral. @HODLdeezBTCNUTZ told me I clearly knew my stuff and suggested I go on the What Bitcoin Did podcast.”

We asked if Jordan had plans to keep buying BTC.

“Dude I’m completely broke and the credit card is maxxed. I’ve been stealing other people’s screenshots of their Cashapp bitcoin purchases so I can join in the hashtag #stackinsats. So no, I’m just hoping we can make it back to 16 grand and I’m dumping the lot. That’s partly why I have to keep encouraging others to buy this thing, so I can get my money back from someone else buying in. Heck, I can’t use this as currency because the fees to spend it fluctuate too much. But I’ve realised you don’t actually need to own any Bitcoin to be a Bitcoin influencer anyway. I might even set up some more Twitter accounts and retweet myself a bit.”

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Satoshi Nakamoto Institute distances itself from Satoshi Nakamoto

Founding member of the Satoshi Nakamoto Institute Pierre Rochard says despite the name of the foundation he helped establish, he felt Satoshi was probably someone he would block on Twitter today. 

“Look, big blockers are all idiots. But I was reading some stuff on the Institute’s website the other day and I realised that Satoshi was actually a big blocker. I have to be honest, that’s really dumb. I studied accounting and Austrian economics and let me assure you, economies do really well when fewer people can transact with each other. It seems to me I probably understand Bitcoin better than Satoshi himself.”

CBD: Why did you and your friends establish the Satoshi Nakamoto Institute?

“Basically we wanted to preserve the message of Satoshi and the clear Austrian economic thinking Bitcoin was founded on.”

CBD: But you disagree with him now?

“Yeah now I prefer to follow the writings of Luke Junior.”

CBD: And who’s he?

“He’s a BTC Core Developer, a Bible literalist and a devout catholic who believes that anyone who isn’t pure roman catholic will be tortured for all eternity in a lake of fire. Real smart guy and the founder of the small blocker movement. Luke now wants to shrink the BTC block size to 300kb. I’m thinking of suggesting 200kb to sound even more righteous. I mean, if 300 kb is good, 200kb has to be even better right? Hopefully we can push transaction fees right up again.” 

CBD: So you say you understand Bitcoin better than the inventor of Bitcoin?

“When you put it that way I guess it sounds like I don’t really know what I’m talking about and I’ve just been hoodwinked by a bunch of NPC sock puppet accounts on Twitter who are run by the dragon’s den and blockstream and others who want to make bank from routing fees on Lightning, and I’ve been sucked in by the attention and praise they pour on me. Ha ha.. heh hmmmmm… that could never… wait what were we talking about? Oh yeah. So, I’ve spoken with heaps of really smart developers. Have they ever run a profitable business? No, I guess not. Do they understand economics? No not really actually, I have to keep correcting them to be honest. Have they demonstrated success in other areas of their lives? errr…. I wouldn’t say so. But look, they know about coding and cryptography if you know about coding or cryptography you should basically get to decide the fate of how global currency works. The last thing we want is investors or miners with so called “skin in the game” having a say in how things work. It should be poor, young, inexperienced, and unemployed developers who all work for free to support the central vision and not people chasing their own well-being. Economies can’t function like that. I think that all makes … god damn it!!!”

We were unable to continue the interview as Pierre had just realised his Lightning node had crashed again and he needed to attend to it.


CoinBlockDesk caught up with Michael Goldstein (who likes to be called Bitstein) about the move by the Institute to distance itself from its namesake. 

“Look, I’m not saying I’m smarter than Satoshi. But it’s just that I don’t really want to disagree with Pierre. I saw how he turned on Daniel (Krawisz) when Daniel started pointing out that Satoshi wanted to scale Bitcoin on-chain and honestly I don’t really have the energy left to argue with Pierre. He scares me. I haven’t eaten a carb in 4 years and I’m too busy trying to lead the don’t-eat-junk-food cult that I have had to leave decisions for the Bitcoin Core cult to Pierre. Don’t tell Pierre, but I haven’t sold my forks anyway just in case Daniel is right. Hey do you know how to set up a lightning node? Pierre is coming over next month and I still haven’t figured out how to do it. God it’s complicated. Pierre will go ape-shit if he finds out.”


Fellow Nakamoto Institute founder Daniel Krawisz, was also kind enough to speak with CBD about his thoughts on the bizarre position the Institute has taken. 

“Yeah it’s confused me completely. It’s literally called the Nakamoto Institute and yet Pierre and Michael spend all their waking moments playing mental gymnastics trying to explain why Satoshi was wrong and why proof of work isn’t important. Instead they preach some kind of “community consensus” nonsense, which basically amounts to proof of social media as being how decisions get made in Bitcoin. It’s utterly moronic. Why do people think something with the word “Institute” in it is important anyway? Do people think we had offices where we employed people to do research or something? It’s just a freaking website with some stuff we copied and pasted from bitcointalk and a few rambling blog posts that accidentally started a moronic cult. We were basically young 20 somethings when we founded that thing. God, people in Bitcoin are so dumb. And how on earth does anyone think you can grow a global economy without the ability to actually make a profit or transact with each other! I feel like I’ve been taking crazy pills for the last 2 years. It’s so obvious Bitcoin needed big blocks. I can’t believe it was even a conversation!”

Daniel then referred us to his latest video which he said explained what Bitcoin was very accurately. Everyone in the CoinBlockDesk office blacked out after the bit about string theory and woke up 3 hours later with a stag effigy built from old GPU mining rigs in the middle of the main office and a Rick and Morty episode playing. 


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Confused exchange CEO threatens people who use legal system

Earlier today the CEO of well known cryptocurrency exchange Binance, made famous for its handy ability for crypto users to be able to swap their coins without having to provide any identification, thus avoid being tracked, expressed anger that someone in the bitcoin community dared to use the legal system to settle a complaint.

We spoke to some of the BTC community about CZ (known by this moniker to save english speaking people the embarrassment of trying to pronounce syllables that don’t appear on a McDonald’s menu) and the problem he had with Craig Wright using the legal system to establish that he wasn’t a fraud.

“Look, CZ may not be the most technically proficient person in this space,” said self proclaimed Bitcoin expert @justHODLuntilyoudie69. “And I really don’t think he should bother to speak with those in cryptography who testify to Craig actually being the inventor of Bitcoin because they must be lying too. But it’s well known that CZ really struggled to attract BTC maximalists to his business as Binance basically runs a shitcoin casino and work hard at evading certain laws.”

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“So my guess is he saw this opportunity to be one of the cool kids and we’re just letting him think it’s working. He’ll never actually be accepted as one of us though. He’s so dodgy. I think he’s a bigger scammer than Craig Wright even. I mean, when you think about it, Craig’s never even actually done an ICO, and he’s essentially just working on a version of Bitcoin that is trying to be like the whitepaper. I don’t agree with him, but as a BTC holder I ended up owning a heap of BCH and BSV too, so he hasn’t actually diluted my wealth at all. But I’m pretty sure that dodgy CZ just invented his own money for his exchange, plus he charges shitcoin devs to list, not to mention he basically wants a world with a million coins so he can keep making money. I really want a world with just one coin, as does Craig Wright I suppose, but we just disagree on the best way to achieve that.”

At this point in the interview @justHODLuntilyoudie69 started to stare off into the distance in what appeared to be deep self reflection, and we were unable to continue the interview.

Following CZ’s outrage at a business person using the courts to protect their reputation, many in the BTC camp attempted to spread a meme of “delist BSV” in an effort to have Bitcoin SV devalued and get exchanges to join in the virtue signalling. The attempt appears to have backfired though, as everyone in BSV agreed that they too would like BSV to be delisted from shitcoin casinos, as they wanted no part in the scam that was the crypto industry.

One BTC maximalist who spoke to us on condition of anonymity, because he didn’t want to be blocked by Giacomo Zucco and the other “influencers”, echoed the sentiments. “At first I was like yeah hashtag #delistBSV but then I remembered I hate Binance with all my heart and I would also like BTC to not be listed on that scammy casino. Heck I don’t even want BTC on Coinbase! I wish we had thought this through properly. Please don’t tell anyone I said this, it’s taken me ages to get up to 1300 followers and I don’t want to be blocked by my heroes and have to start a new twitter account. A year ago I got blocked by them all and kicked off r/bitcoin on reddit just for saying I didn’t like paying $50 fees and they called me a loser for actually using bitcoin and a fraud and a sockpuppet, so I’m a bit nervous to say what I really think now.”

Crypto wannabe influencer and vapid slogan poster Tony Pompolonomponloiono also chimed in on the matter. “Frankly, it’s appalling that anyone should take someone to court. I mean, just because that Hodlonaut account launched a week long campaign specifically designed to defame and denigrate Craig Wright labelling him a fraud and calling for everyone else in BTC to join in, doesn’t mean Hodlonaut should have to actually prove that the allegation of fraud has merit. We have free speech in America. That means there’s never any consequences for anything you say, everyone knows that! I mean, if we didn’t have free speech we wouldn’t be able to constantly promise noobs that Lighting will work soon even though we have no idea how to make that happen.”

We pointed out that neither Craig Wright nor Hodlonaut were in the USA. “I thought the whole world just copied our laws. Isn’t that how it works? Anyway, exchanges should all delist BSV and also I really hope more people follow me on Twitter. I’ve built this really useful bot that auto follows people then unfollows them. I’ve been called a scammer heaps because of that, so I’m really hoping my virtue signalling on this matter redeems me in the eyes of BTC maximalists.”

A spokesperson from Binance said they were great fans of the legal system as long as it didn’t involve courts, the judiciary, voting, politicians, laws, civil proceedings, criminal proceedings, borders, accountability, responsibility, patents, copyrights, or consequences of any kind. They also said Suits really went downhill after season 4.

Full time crypto trader explains why he needs to promote men's deodorant on Twitter

Surprising a number of his followers with a recent deodorant sponsored post on Twitter was self proclaimed successful full time crypto trader @cryptobossman69gainz.

Following the tweet many of the followers thought it was brilliant satire by the allegedly wealthy investor who would never need to stoop to such depths as promoting anti perspirants to an army of twitter trolls.

After it became clear the post was legit, confusion set in. “I can’t understand why someone who says he keeps making 10x or 100x gains each month on these sick alts would need supplement their income with this kind of trash,” lamented Hodldeeznuts27. “Maybe Komodo isn’t going to pump this week as he promised.”

Another devout follower says he regrets getting a tattoo of XRP now after wondering if @cryptobossman69gainz really knew what he was doing.

We spoke briefly with @cryptobossman69gainz before he had to go “hit the gym”.

“Bro I’m telling you, you take a few sponsored post ads from these companies, help them pump their shit, get your followers to buy it, and the gains you make will blow your mind. I used to just make money by telling my followers to by small cap alts after I’d already bought them, and it would essentially have a self fulfilling prophecy kind of effect. So they thought I was a genius, but of course I’d just dump the shit 2 hours after my post. Hey you’re not going to publish any of this are you? Are we on the record?”

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Podcaster with no technical knowledge says he wants more technical proof before he believes Craig Wright

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A "popular" bitcoin podcaster who professes to lack any technical understanding of cryptography or coding says he wants to see more technical proof from Craig Wright demonstrating that he's actually Satoshi Nakamoto.

Pedro McBedford, who regularly publishes his amazingly high and increasing listener count to Twitter, says that he would like Craig to sue him, because he's so confident that Craig is not Satoshi.

We spoke with Pedro about his desire for more evidence.

"Yeah like, I couldn't actually understand that book Andreas wrote about Bitcoin, and I never did figure out how elliptical cove cryptography or whatever it's called works, but when I read that article today from Craig saying he had proof that he purchased the Bitcoin dot org domain on his credit card, I realised I really want to see some kind of digital signature or something. I don't exactly know what a digital signature is, so in all honestly I'd be relying on my anonymous twitter followers to let me know if it was valid."

Pedro was a little confused when we spoke about other experts in the field who backed Craig Wright's claims of being Satoshi, including the likes of Gavin Andresen, Joseph VaughnPerling, and others.

"Look, I've never heard of those guys. But honestly, would 5000 anonymous twitter accounts lie to me? Of course not. I don't see Nchain with a sockpuppet army as big as the BTC sock puppet army. Clearly if Craig invented Bitcoin he would be able to make a bigger sock puppet army than the BTC one. I think that speaks volumes. And I've spoken with heaps of people who hate Craig, and even though honestly I didn't understand a friggin thing they were saying, I feel like there's more people involved in BTC right now, and that's going to be the best for attracting advertisers. And hey, if I get sued, I've got all my money in Bitcoin so he can't touch it right? I'm pretty sure that's how the law works. I don't know much about the legal system either to be honest but I heard about this conference called unconfiscatable and even though that's not a word, I think the correct term is non-confiscatable, I guess it's safe for me to assume courts can't get to my Bitcoin! Ha. Courts can't confiscate Bitcoin! Tone Vays let me know that! Those courts are suckers. Bitcoin is bringing in a new age of anarchy where courts can't even put people in jail any more because they won't have any Bitcoin to pay the guards. It's a fool proof system."

We spoke with Pedro about evidence he provides publicly of his own claims, with respect to his listener count.

"Yeah look, basically I would say me writing them down and making that nice little graph is pretty robust proof that those are the numbers. Anyone who wants more evidence than that can go get f…."